15 Jan 13

I don't give a toss about the high street

I don't give a toss about the high street

When I was younger, maybe student age, I enjoyed taking the bike or the bus up to Kings Heath High Street, pulling a couple of CDs off the shelves, maybe a DVD, then making my way home to enjoy them. Now my music collection is in the Cloud and I'm wondering what to do with all my DVDs.

I know I'm supposed to care that there's a Tesco Express on the corner where Mr Johnson's old greengrocers used to be, or that I can't find any pic 'n mix, or that all the mainstream music that is already available on iTunes, Spotify, Amazon, 7digital and everywhere else is no longer to be found in a darkened shop next to some posters and a biography of Cheryl Cole.

But really, I don't. I really don't. I'm nearly 30; I'm not in my 60s. I don't lament over a time when I knew the name of the man behind the counter at my favourite toffee shop. I don't have memories of getting a swift clip round the ear by Officer Bobbins when I stole a wooden toy from Mr Smallhand's Curio Emporium.

I'm not completely indifferent to my changing urban climate, but I fail to share the social Internet's outrage over what I see as a gradual moving of tedious activities from physical to virtual. I do my grocery shopping via the Tesco website not because I want to see fewer people, but because I want to buy lots of healthy things that I can't carry on the bus.

I like independent coffee shops, and as long as other people do, they'll exist. The same will hold true for record shops, especially once HMV and the like have been completely squeezed out. There's an experience you get from those places that's more valuable than the commodities they sell, and although they're fewer in number, I think that's still something that people will want to spend their time and their money on,m and will make an effort to seek out, rather than stumble across.

We seem to have a weird double standard when it comes to the closure of shops on the high street. We lament the homogenisation of our towns by the big corporates, and then get all sad and outraged when other corporates die off. HMV isn't some family-run concern; it's a company that's failed to find a way to compete. People still want to send Christmas and birthday cards, so why is Clinton in receivership? Failure to compete in a changing market doesn't make these companies bad, just old and maybe a little sluggish.

I sort of resent the implication that somehow we're to blame; like we're supposed to support certain shops and eschew others. If that's the case, please someone send me the A to Z of companies I'm allowed to patronise, 'cos I'm not sure I get the rules. I can't research every company I give my money to so I can be sure it's going to an ethical cause, but if I believe my money's going to a thoroughly unscrupulous company - rather than just your common-or-garden unscrupulous company - I'll endeavour to spend it elsewhere. I mention that because so often these arguments become Moral Debates, and I think that's unhelpful in an age of convenience, where convenience exists not because we're lazy, but because we're packing much more in to the same number of hours we've always had.

I'm not some Tory bigot who believes it's every man for himself and we should all pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps. I think we should support local concerns, and I suspect Government has a role to play in helping these companies stay afloat. But if I see a Sainsbury Local or a MacDonald's on every high street, I don't think "ah, but for a friendly costermonger and a place to dine", I think "oh great, I can pick up a pint of milk and then go for a slash". I'm sorry if that means I'm heartless.

Photo by Jo Marshall

12 Nov 12

eonenergy.combestdeal is not a web address

eonenergy.combestdeal is not a web address

Watch this, then listen to the web address read out at the end.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZCh1EHiEpY

It's partly (very slightly) Olivia Colman's fault for not knowing how to read a web address, but mostly it's the several links in the long chain of people who'll have edited, produced, reviewed, and aired the ad promoting their latest boat-load of pricing nonsense. OK they've typed out the address correctly, but it's usually commonplace to read the / character out loud.

They're not the first, but the ad's been running for a number of weeks now and it boggles my mind. How does the sound engineer and director not notice it at the point of recording, and how does it go through so many levels of checks before being aired, without someone saying "Er, aren't we reading out something that isn't a web address?" Just try visiting eonenergy.combestdeal and you'll see what happens. OK, what probably happens is that Google steps in and gives you a search result for the right address, but that's beside the point isn't it? Isn't it? No, not really, but I don't think I'm being a pedant when I say it's not too difficult to read out a fairly uncomplicated URL for people who don't have their eyes glued to the screen at that time. Plus it's got nothing to do with whether it's convenient for people: she's not reading a web address! And breathe.

By the way, I love Olivia Colman, I think she's a brilliant actress... but a professional voice-over artist born after 1960 should know how to say "slash", right?

Photo by Diego Torres Silvestre

22 Jun 12

Alan Partridge is the next weapon in Murdoch's war on public entertainment

Alan Partridge is the next weapon in Murdoch's war on public entertainment

Now that BSkyB are unable to have a finger in every media pie, they're instead making do with ruining British TV. It's fine that Sky Atlantic shows American TV shows because they're freely available on The Pirate Bay (that link works at the time of writing), but shows like Alan Partridge which won't be so freely distributed are verboten to those that don't want to give the Murdochs any more money than they deserve.

Coogan, Iannuicci and those involved are wilfully fisting their fans - people like myself who have paid for books, videos and live shows - by moving to a niche channel that half the country is not able even to pay for without stripping out their old TV systems or in some cases (like mine), moving house.

I really don't like Internet rants, and being the kind of guy who has to deliver them. It's always better to see the neuences in a situation and try and see things from different angles. But this is a wilfully wrongheaded move by people I thought were more savvy.

The Times worked so hard at getting their paywall up, after their senile Vogon leader rambled about "stealing" (without understanding how search engines legitimately work and bring traffic not leach profits), that you'd think Murdoch would be aware of the irony that his Sky Atlantic is now actively encouraging piracy, by holding on to its toys and refusing to let others even pay to play with them.

Publicly available TV and radio made Coogan, Iannucci, Morris and people of that ilk. In a world where Channel 4 was still finding its feet, the BBC gave them, if not a start, then a place in British society. (I remember watching the first run of Knowing Me Knowing You when I was a nipper, and loving it.) Now greed has won out, and all I can think of is how sorry I am to have had to write such a bilious and haughty post.

If you have the means to record the show and upload it to The Pirate Bay or similar, please do. Let's bring British telly back to the people. And if it helps tamp down Murdoch or Coogan's fears over loss of income, I'll even sit through the ads. What I won't do is move house so I can get a satellite dish and a third-rate Internet connection. I'll do anything for Alan, but I won't do that.

13 Jun 12

Worst. News. Ever.

Worst. News. Ever.

The traveline website is currently unavailable while work is carried out to improve the information.

18 May 12

Sent to the Customer Services department at iwantoneofthose.com

Add a one-click Unsubscribe link to your marketing emails. If your next spam message does not contain this, you'll be reported to the Information Commissioner.

The above is not a request or a feature suggestion, but my advice to you in order to avoid prosecution. Your users deserve better than to jump through hoops to stop receiving your unwanted and irrelevant content.

I look forward to reading your response, and to seeing the link in your next marketing email.

15 May 12

A quick note about comment moderation

A quick note about comment moderation

I just wanted to set the record straight very quickly, on the topic of comment moderation.

Some social media gurus seem to think that filtering comments before they go live is somehow tantamount to censorship, or a sign that the blogger is "doing it wrong". This, from usually very intelligent people surprises me, as it seems to miss the point that spam is a Thing.

The Akismet plugin is a great way to keep most spam from showing up in WordPress blog posts, but it's not infallible and isn't always something you want to go through the trouble of signing up for, especially if you're just running a small blog. Sometimes it produces false positives, and at others messages fall through the cracks. This usually happens in waves, when the kids who write spambots find a new loophole in Akismet's algorithm to exploit.

But basically the bottom line is that in order to keep your blog clean of irrelevant, corrosive and sometimes offensive missives, moderation is the correct course of action. Turning it off isn't "doing it wrong" either, but expressing irritation at having to wait twenty minutes for your opinion to be added to someone's piece is missing the point.

14 May 12

I don't work for free

I don't work for free

I've been asked by a couple of people over the last week, if I'd develop something for them. One offered an equity stake at an undisclosed amount, the other suggested they'd sort something out at a later stage.

I don't mean to sound arrogant or self-aggrandising, but I'm not a student or someone just starting out in the web and looking for a leg up. I'm happy to work on new and emerging projects of course, but like the people who've  contacted me, I also have bills to pay.

I also don't recommend these kinds of projects to friends or colleagues, as past experience has taught me - and anyone who's worked in the web for more than a year or has an ounce of common sense - that the success of a project is never, if seldom down to the quality of the code; it's the business behind it. There are always exceptions, but that's my general rule.

If you're thinking of asking a web developer to come on board for a new project, but you can't afford to pay them, please respect their skill set and find the funds, or help the developer understand why it might be a useful pro-bono project (a "foot in the door" is not a valid reason).

30 Apr 12

Apple making money from malware

Apple making money from malware

I - and a lot of Apple developers - just got this email from the gods of the i prefix:

The Mac App Store is the safest place for users to get software for their Mac, but we also want to protect users when they get applications from other places. Gatekeeper is a new feature in OS X Mountain Lion that helps protect users from downloading and installing malicious software. Signing your applications, plug-ins, and installer packages with a Developer ID certificate lets Gatekeeper verify that they are not known malware and have not been tampered with.
Gateway, it seems, is a fantastic new money-making scheme from the most highly-valued company in the world. They want software developers to sign up for a scheme to verify their software, so that if you want to distribute anything dodgy outside of the App Store, you just need to pay for a $99 Mac developer account and get an eFax number.

For now at least, you can still download and install any Mac software, and it might be scaremongering to suggest this is step one in a plan to move everything to the App Store (which I honestly don't think is the play), but it is a fantastic way to squeeze a little more money from developers who need their software to appear as legit as possible. After all, if you're rebuilding something for a client, chances are they're going to get scared off by not having a valid certificate when they try to download the app you've just built for them, on their Mac at home.

If this were about protecting Mac users, the Gatekeeper program would be separate from the Mac Developer Program. But it isn't. Instead, it's a shakedown.

Grumble grumble grumble.

26 Apr 12

Stop being an iOS developer

Stop being an iOS developer

Apple wants to tie its developers to iOS, and it gets pissy when people move to other platforms.

If you want to develop for a device, go and work for the company that makes it. The rest of us will be right here when you get back, trying to make things everyone can use. I love my iProducts, and while it's an easy life having the best phone in the world, not everyone agrees.

Android isn't a poor man's iOS - its feature set is different, and both companies steel from each other - so if you only develop for one platform, that's not the same as only developing websites in PHP, 'cos they can be viewed by anyone. Instead it's like developing websites for Internet Explorer, and we finished with that 10 years ago.

I'm not saying don't develop iOS apps, of course. I'm saying don't be an iOS developer; be a mobile developer.

Here endeth the un-asked-for lesson ;)

19 Apr 12

WordPress has a capital P

Sorry to be that guy again, but c'mon. You see it when you log in. It's in the title bar when you write posts; it's in the dashboard, the footer; every time you go to download a plugin or a theme you see it.

I'm thinking mainly about people who say they work with Wordpress. If they worked enough with it, they'd know how it was written. Just in the same way I wouldn't buy an Ipod or an I-pad form someone.

It only came up 'cos I was looking at other devs in Birmingham and wondering whether it was worth doing some Google ads. I noticed that, out of the 9 ads that used the word WordPress, only 2 of them typed it correctly.

I know it doesn't make any difference to those who are looking for WordPress devs; I just think there's such a thing as pride. It's worth noting that I'm not the only one who feels that way; WordPress' founder Matt created a function called capital_P_dangit which replaces the incorrect lowercase character, but it unfortunately breaks other parts of the system, as mentioned in this very good rebuttal. (I also fucking hate the use of words like "dang" by Americans who think "damn" is a swearword. Grow up, you're not seven. Ahem).

Incidentally I've had to disable that function in order to incorrectly write Wordpress for the sake of this post.

That is all. Bubbye! :) x